The oscars

I'm watching the Oscars. I was happy when I heard they had a cinematography category (I never watch them) The reason that I felt happy is because my idiot brother is graduating on Friday and hes a cinematographer. I know one day I will see him up there and even though I'm mean to him I love him and plus I will be freeloading. Trust. jajajajaj

every day struggle.

Sometimes life sucks. I need to get over the fact that there are things I just can't control. One day hopefully I will be where I deserve to be. I am 24 and I count the days like if they are my last. I just don't understand how some people can have it so easy and I wasn't one of those lucky ones. Then I also hate how this bothers me. I am such a hater jeje. I need to get over this and just move forward.

dear mom and dad

Found this old creative writing journal I have from High school found a poem I wrote. 

My heart is broken and they know why 
its because there problems 
its why I cry.
I'm broken in half because of you too 
and then broken once again
when I hear of the problems you too had
and that they are back again.
Can't you see I need you two sober and alive.
All my problems I blame you two
because I was alone when I needed you.
One of you left me when I needed you the most 
one of you is still gone in mind and soul.
Can't you see I'm sick of it 
I need you back 
I can't handle it.
I've been my own parent for so many years
I need a hug and a kiss 
and to finally say your back again.  


wow I was and am such a weenie.

horrible horrible week

So after whats seems like the worst week ever I had a pretty nice weekend. Too much partying though. And thank god no work today so I'm going to do all the homework I can. Then I am going to the gym and try to sneak in some reading. I love to read but I can never seem to find enough time. Then when I find a book I love I cant put it down and I end up getting in trouble for it. jejeje

Any who I found out this week that I basically can't count on any one but my self. It is a very hard reality but its true. I am all alone in this world but hey other people do it, so can I. 

my accomplisment

Even though it may not be a great accomplishment I am so proud of my self. I haven't eaten out in two weeks and bringing my lunch to work and eating more fruit and veggies and I've been going to the gym regularly. Well yesterday after a great work out I decided to weight my self to see if there was any difference and yes! There was! 3 pounds in one week. I'm ecstatic and it is just the jump start I needed to see that I am accomplishing it and it had not even been that hard. And the feeling I get when I cook and I know what exactly Is in my food is great. I do not want to call it a diet because it's not I feel this as a life long change and at first I was sad thinking God ill never eat anything I like any more! But no it's just learning how to eat correctly and knowing that every once in a while I can have a little of those things in life but all in moderation. 3 pounds and it seems like the beginning of a new life! All I need now is to not get discouraged and continue forth with this life long process of becoming the new me!

getting the hang of it

Woke up today not feeling to well so I decided to stay home and play hookie from work to catch up on stuff. Oh gosh the semester barely started and I am already trying to catch up. Well I think I've gotten the hang of this. Now off to do more home work and maybe hit the gym before class at 6:45

This is how lazy I feel today!!!! =)

Public Speaking

I go into class ready to speak and read at the teachers request. I have so much to say and so many ideas. So why is it that when ever I start to read or talk I almost pass out! I have taken speech 101 and I am usually a very outgoing person. Though, In class I can  not be my usually loud and bubbly self? What is wrong with me!!!!? Seriously, I was shaking through out the rest of the class and then on top of that I rethink what I did. Then I feel that what I said was too personal and I should have kept my hand down! Well lets go relief some stress at the gym. I hope that I can over come this because I know I can do better than what I am giving at the moment.

I feel ashamed and embarrassed like my baby Bella in this photo.

Can I save you from yourself

Can I save you from yourself
Tell them all that its not fair.
I would throw myself in front of a bus for you
but some how I know you wouldn't even have a clue
Either way I love you
but your locked up in your room without a view
Where you can't hear me nor I you
I want to save you from yourself
but would it even help
Because if I save you
Would you see
That it is worth living
Even if not for you
but maybe just for me
Please
Even though you need saving
I need you more than you would ever need me
 

Quien soy yo

Never thought of doing this "blog" thing even though I like to write.
Excuse the run on sentences and misspelled words and most likely a lot of grammatical errors....

But I guess this could be a good thing, who knows some one might actually like my writing =)



I work for a medical group but I'd like my occupation to be full time student/ gym goer JA! if only

Any ways bring it on semester 2012!!!