meetings

Today I had a meeting with important people at work. I hate that I feel that I am not up to par with them. I get up one day and I am feeling good and ready to work and show them my potential. Then another day I hate work and feel that this is not meant for me. I don't know why I am this way.

Ariana

My cousin Alexia, who I wrote about before got pregnant at 16. She lost her mother to breast cancer. When she met her boyfriend his mother was sick. They moved in next door and Alexia fell in love with his mom and soon after Michael and Alexia fell in love. His mother passes away from cancer of the liver. They connected with these events in their life. Even though it sounds a little morbid, they have each other now. And even though they had huge loses they will always have a connection no one understands.

Alcoholism

Alcoholism sucks. Some where out there in the world my dad is drunk and I have no control over it. I wish I could help him! But I must help my self first. I hope one day I can help others with the same problem and I hope to learn to be happy.

Guadalajara

My grandparents will have been married 50 years in August, so naturally we will have a huge party. So I have purchased my ticket and on August 14 I will be in Mexico once again after 2 years! yaaaay I can't wait!!

Raul Carrera

My baby brother is like my son. It hurts me so much to know that he will soon be twelve. I know that it is a part of life to grow up. I miss when he was my baby but there is no way to stop him from growing up! lol On May 10th he turns 12. That is the Mexican Mothers Day.

William

This guy is one of my best boy cousins. And just like my cousin Alexia there is a funny story to him too. His mother is my moms sister and his dad is my dads cousin. My parents met through his parents. My mom and dad where both living with them and the  feel in love. Funny family stories.

Alexia

This girl is my best cousin. She is like the sister I never had. Its funny because she is my cousin and my aunt. Let me explain lol her mother was my dads cousin and her dad is my moms uncle. He is the youngest brother of my moms mom. crazy huh?

Deleted

My mother, in one of here crazy days, did some weird things to the laptop I gave her. I had pictures and poems and she deleted it all. I will never get those memories back!

depression

Depression is a bitch. I do not wish it on any body. I wish my mom wasn't sick.

Anxiety!!!

Today I have the worst anxiety ever. I have so much going on. My mother is sick and I don't know how to help her. Professor, I hope you read this and you can excuse me from class today. I sent you an email and I hope that I can email you my paper that is due today. I am sick physically and emotionally. I am sorry if I am too personal in my blogging. But this is the only way that I can vomit the feelings I have stuck in my throat.

in class waiting

Im in your class Ms. Oberman. At the moment I have a massive headache. So excuse me if I do not smile all that much. Ella Minnow Pea has inspired me to increase my vocabulary. I know that reading is a big way and I do miss it so. But work permits me not and I focus no my labor when at work. I am dedicated in learning and expanding my vocabulary and in hand it will make me a better writer.

Why?

I am insatiable emotionally. That word insatiable is the definition of me!

tripping out

To think that one can win the lotto is a trip to me.
I do not believe that one can just become rich like that when people work so hard to earn there money. I guess it is just in ones destiny. Blaaah

blah

I'm not who I want to be. I wonder if I taking the right tack in regards to my career. I want to be a teacher but what I want to be is an English teacher idk what to do?

MID TERM

Mid term today for math... study study study till test time... secretly I dislike this prof.

bloooop

ALL WORK NO PLAY MAKES CYNTHIA A DULL GIRL!

All I have time for is work, gym, study.
Work, gym, study
work, gym, study....... That's all!

Envious!

Well Professor, I am jealous! I hope you have a great time and take a lot of pictures! I can't wait until I have the time and money to travel. 

procrastinating

I hate being a procrastinator!

feeling better

Ah thank you baby Jesus! I feel much better today. My sickness is subsiding and my tooth pain also. A lot of studying ahead of me so I shall see blogger later!

in pain

My tooth is hurting and I'm sick... uh can't wait for the weekend. Even then I have a class on Saturday. =(
I miss the gym.

This is the cutest!!!

in class and blogging

Jejejeje in class and blogging. See my commitment! Lol some people really annoy me. Why can I just not care?? Hmmmmm

back to normal

Things seem to be getting back to normal. I have to learn to be more patient and not let the little things get to me. I'm getting a new car soon and I will be back on schedule. It's a honda accord lx. I'm just happy I don't have to be taking the bus any more.

A gift.

Since Monday I have been having the worst tooth pain ever. I missed work and then I got a fever and now I'm sick. My manager told one of the Dr. that we work with about me having pain and not having insurance to go to the dentist. I get a call from my manager on Wednesday and she tells me that the Dr. wanted to give me $1500.00 to go and take care of the pain!!!! My gosh, I had no idea there were still people out there with a heart like that. I want to thank him and I am so happy I am surrounded by great co-workers. Only bad news is my dentist appointment is Monday so that might mean some bad pain while in class! =/

aaaaaaahh

I hate not having insurance and I do not know what to do with this painful toothache....... I'm going to die!!!
If any one know of a place I can go to, let me know...

I lied.

I lied. I do watch another show other than The Walking Dead. Damn!! Why am i such a sucker for sappy and dumb shows! Well any ways I like to watch Switched at birth. Its a pretty cool show!

quotes

“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.” Ralph Wiggum

grease. summer nights

Grease reminds me of sunny days in high school. The days when either teachers were lazy or it was the last day of school. The movie of choice, Grease! aaahhh brings me back. I know every word and every song. It also reminds me of the kids I hung out with. My little click has greasers. Which means they would wear 50's attire. Think of the guys from grease or Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe. Of course I didn't dare try and dress like that for fear of being called a poser. A poser is a person who just copies what they see. So when I graduated I let loose and dressed like it! Now I have a greaser boyfriend and I love the whole atmosphere of it! The irony..... I do not dress that way any more JAJA. Not because of choice but because I gained quite some weight after high school and uuuhhh lets just say its hard to find cloths my size in that style. But in reality it really is my choice since I have let my self get to this point. I Can! fix that... And I WILL!!!

Any ways summer nights is on and I got to go!!

"summer sun somethings begun!! tell me more tell me more!!! like does he have a car!!! "

LOL  

Politics.

All this political talk makes me weary. I feel confused and frustrated. I mean what do you really believe. There are so many questions and feelings. Yeah I know its just politics but man it affects our future and even then I do not vote. What does one believe when there is so much hardship and deceit out there? Then the whole issue with immigration!! I don't know if the naive person is them or me? This world would not be the powerful nation it is without this pot of different colors and flavors but then again how does one go about making an issue like immigration fair?

Then I also get angry because I'm not as informed as I should be. Every day life and laziness is what keeps me under my covers. I watch the news ever morning, though, what we watch is something like "Is snooki really having a baby??!!" I mean really?! the bees are dying and this is what we're talking about?!!!(thanks to you now I know Professor) Any ways just a couple of thoughts with all the media about the republican party and who will win... =/ well good night!

I used to be able to write a poem....

I want to believe that I am sane because I'm afraid
that life is just a game
I've passed so many round who now's
too many punches and it shows
am I finished or near the end?
Am I the super hero or the villain
I really hope that I'm just asleep
and dreaming.
I think I see the exit sign
I'm ready to go home.
Can it really be that I'm feeling a little joy
even though there's no heart and I'm a drawing?
I'm running towards the exit sign but my legs aren't moving
there is some one else controlling me
some one making me stay
But you don't have the right to maneuver me
I am my own person you will see
I can make my own decisions
I take it all back
I'm not a villain
I want to live I swear
just let me out I wont tell
wake me up please
the colors are fading
I'm loosing my training
and I know that I am failing
I going to win I have to
There is one more round I can hear it
the game said fight and I'm already bleeding
I wake up
I guess I was just dreaming 

chiquis you little shit.

My dog Chiquis ruined my inspiration. I came and sat down ready to write a poem. I am barefoot of course since I am almost ready to go to bed. I sit down on my chair and place my feet lightly on the carpet. My foot feels very warm all of a sudden. For a second it feels weird but pleasant before I realize my little doggy peed under my desk and where my foot now rested. Chiquis thanks a lot. Now I'm off to see the wizard.... my shower.

awww now I feel bad hes sitting in the corner after I yelled at him.

Thats chiquis with my mom

The walking dead.

Ok so I have tried not to waste so much time on the television. I used to watch all these stupid shows until I realized how much time I was wasting in front of a screen to see girls getting drunk and saying stupid things. jeje. But this show, the walking dead, caught my attention and know I'm obsessed. So now every Sunday I watch it with my little brother who took a liking to it also. I know that there is so many other things to do out there in this big world but Sundays I give my full attention to the walking dead. For some reason stories about vampires  and zombies always grab my attention and if you really want to know, yes I am a Twilight fan! jajajaa

Sodium laureth sulfate

So basically Sodium laureth sulfate is a chemical used in things that will make them bubble. Right? So what I read is that this chemical can be bad for your hair, skin, eyes. It also states that because it is so potent the skin absorbs it and it is bad for our liver, brain and other organs and that it is also linked to cause cancer. huuuuuuuuh as naive as this may sound or maybe dumb, I would rather not know. The way I look at the world is that there is so much bad that this is something small compared to other problems in the world. We get cancer from smoking and second hand smoke. You can get sick from walking into buildings that have those signs that say "this building has so and so chemical known by the state to cause cancer." are we not going into those buildings any more? There is so many of us without health insurance (including me) and we have all these medical issues and we are going to die any ways. We drink, smoke, eat unhealthy and probably will die before SLS kills us. Now stating that, I have curiously been looking at the ingredients in my things at home ever since reading about SLS. I have been made aware and that is all one can do, unfortunately. The seed has been dug in there and I will pass on the word but I'm not going to lose sleep over it. The way I think might be a reason the world is the way it is. =/

I love this family

My cousin Alexia and I grew up together. Her mom was a very special person. She passed away from cancer and then she met a guy who's mother died right after also. They now have a daughter and a very special connection. I love them both very much. Funny story, her dad is my moms uncle (my mothers moms brother) and her mother is my dads cousin. So in reality she is my cousin and my aunt. kinda funny.

PARTAY!

We had an awesome party last night. I got to see family and we had so much fun. I got to see My cousins and we settled some issues we had. I hope that things change now. I hope things will get better with in the family.

grad!!

My brother graduated on Friday. He graduated from The Los Angeles Film School. I am so proud of him. I know that he is going to be something big. One day you will see his name on the big screens. Adonay Raul Alvarez. Not an easy name to forget!

The oscars

I'm watching the Oscars. I was happy when I heard they had a cinematography category (I never watch them) The reason that I felt happy is because my idiot brother is graduating on Friday and hes a cinematographer. I know one day I will see him up there and even though I'm mean to him I love him and plus I will be freeloading. Trust. jajajajaj

every day struggle.

Sometimes life sucks. I need to get over the fact that there are things I just can't control. One day hopefully I will be where I deserve to be. I am 24 and I count the days like if they are my last. I just don't understand how some people can have it so easy and I wasn't one of those lucky ones. Then I also hate how this bothers me. I am such a hater jeje. I need to get over this and just move forward.

dear mom and dad

Found this old creative writing journal I have from High school found a poem I wrote. 

My heart is broken and they know why 
its because there problems 
its why I cry.
I'm broken in half because of you too 
and then broken once again
when I hear of the problems you too had
and that they are back again.
Can't you see I need you two sober and alive.
All my problems I blame you two
because I was alone when I needed you.
One of you left me when I needed you the most 
one of you is still gone in mind and soul.
Can't you see I'm sick of it 
I need you back 
I can't handle it.
I've been my own parent for so many years
I need a hug and a kiss 
and to finally say your back again.  


wow I was and am such a weenie.

horrible horrible week

So after whats seems like the worst week ever I had a pretty nice weekend. Too much partying though. And thank god no work today so I'm going to do all the homework I can. Then I am going to the gym and try to sneak in some reading. I love to read but I can never seem to find enough time. Then when I find a book I love I cant put it down and I end up getting in trouble for it. jejeje

Any who I found out this week that I basically can't count on any one but my self. It is a very hard reality but its true. I am all alone in this world but hey other people do it, so can I. 

my accomplisment

Even though it may not be a great accomplishment I am so proud of my self. I haven't eaten out in two weeks and bringing my lunch to work and eating more fruit and veggies and I've been going to the gym regularly. Well yesterday after a great work out I decided to weight my self to see if there was any difference and yes! There was! 3 pounds in one week. I'm ecstatic and it is just the jump start I needed to see that I am accomplishing it and it had not even been that hard. And the feeling I get when I cook and I know what exactly Is in my food is great. I do not want to call it a diet because it's not I feel this as a life long change and at first I was sad thinking God ill never eat anything I like any more! But no it's just learning how to eat correctly and knowing that every once in a while I can have a little of those things in life but all in moderation. 3 pounds and it seems like the beginning of a new life! All I need now is to not get discouraged and continue forth with this life long process of becoming the new me!

getting the hang of it

Woke up today not feeling to well so I decided to stay home and play hookie from work to catch up on stuff. Oh gosh the semester barely started and I am already trying to catch up. Well I think I've gotten the hang of this. Now off to do more home work and maybe hit the gym before class at 6:45

This is how lazy I feel today!!!! =)

Public Speaking

I go into class ready to speak and read at the teachers request. I have so much to say and so many ideas. So why is it that when ever I start to read or talk I almost pass out! I have taken speech 101 and I am usually a very outgoing person. Though, In class I can  not be my usually loud and bubbly self? What is wrong with me!!!!? Seriously, I was shaking through out the rest of the class and then on top of that I rethink what I did. Then I feel that what I said was too personal and I should have kept my hand down! Well lets go relief some stress at the gym. I hope that I can over come this because I know I can do better than what I am giving at the moment.

I feel ashamed and embarrassed like my baby Bella in this photo.

Can I save you from yourself

Can I save you from yourself
Tell them all that its not fair.
I would throw myself in front of a bus for you
but some how I know you wouldn't even have a clue
Either way I love you
but your locked up in your room without a view
Where you can't hear me nor I you
I want to save you from yourself
but would it even help
Because if I save you
Would you see
That it is worth living
Even if not for you
but maybe just for me
Please
Even though you need saving
I need you more than you would ever need me
 

Quien soy yo

Never thought of doing this "blog" thing even though I like to write.
Excuse the run on sentences and misspelled words and most likely a lot of grammatical errors....

But I guess this could be a good thing, who knows some one might actually like my writing =)



I work for a medical group but I'd like my occupation to be full time student/ gym goer JA! if only

Any ways bring it on semester 2012!!!